most of my adoring blog-followers know this already, but when i was almost 8 years old my mom passed away. i remember the day it happened, my dad called our house from the hospital. my aunt and sister ran to answer the phone. almost instantly i heard crying. actually more like loud sobs. i, in my 8-year-old mind, thought "oh no, they bonked heads trying to answer the phone so fast."
then my aunt came over to me and said "lizzie, your daddy's on the phone and he wants to talk to you." i took the phone from her hands and walked into our darkened dining room. i remember staring down at the carpet when i heard my dad's soft reassuring voice..."lizzie, its your dad. i'm at the hospital right now...mommy just passed away. she went to live with heavenly father...she loves you very much and will be watching on you from heaven...but i don't want you to worry because everything is going to be okay. i've already talked to grandma and grandpa and they said we could come and live with them."
i don't remember my exact thoughts but i understood what his words meant. i knew it meant she wouldn't be coming home.
i think the hardest part for me now {17 years later} is...i feel like i don't really know her. and that really bothers me. it bothers me to know that her college roommates or ward friends knew her better than i do. it bothers me to think my mother is somewhat of a stranger to me.
anyway sorry to get all deep but i've just been thinking about her alot and especially over the mothers day weekend. even though she's not physically in my life, i feel like she still has a presence in it. which is comforting, but at the same time seems hugely inadequate.
then again i'm sure she's not a fan of this "parenting from a distance" either.
8 comments:
Um, remember how you look exactly like her in that picture on the page of the chicken casserole recipe? I'm sure that is the case for more than just the look of your face. You probably know her more than you think.
I'm pretty sure I want to give you a huge hug right now and tell you that I love you. If your mommy was anything like you are (which I'm sure she was) then I'm positive she was simply the best--beautiful, smart, funny, and endearing.
i love you zardo. you look so much like your mommy in that first pic. Such a beauty. I KNOW she is so proud of you. I know I am:)
Liz,
I am constantly impressed by the beautiful, well-adjusted, kind, funny, caring, forgiving, smart & witty gal you are. I am even more impressed that you grew into this type of person largely on your own, without the constant influence of your mom. Kudos to you, and kudos to your dad. I love you so much. Thank you for sharing this little piece of lizzy with your blog readers.
What a sweet picture of your parents. I purposely didn't read this post at work because I KNEW it would make me all teary-eyed. Kudos is right! You can bet your mom is proud of you. You're an amazing little lady. Not to mention one of my most favoritest people ever! Love you.
I'll tell you a little bit...
Mom would looooove that you are darling and fun; that you do the whole make-up, hair, classy clothes; that you are so social and have always been involved with friends and being a party girl (in a Mormon kind of way); that you know who you are and stand up for what's right - she did that all the time; and that you know and love the Lord and His gospel!! She loved sports like you - skiing, snowmobiling, hiking, golfing, swimming, etc. She loved her family and friend. She is a happy, loving person. You and she are a lot alike. What you definitely wouldn't have like - in your teenage years was that she wanted to know about everything you did, why you were doing the things you were doing - questions, questions, questions. But I can guarantee you that she is a presence in your life - now and always! She'd never stop that - it's what she loves!!
Liz, don't do that to me! I'm such a baby, crying here at the computer. I love you Liz. Im lucky I got to come over and play the next day! (I guess you knew I am good at cheering you up!)
liz... you are the kind of person that we all strive to be. i love all the people that were there along the way to help nurture and care for that little eight year old girl that answered the phone that day...but most of all i love that you are the kind of person that can rise above it all and become the lovely being that you are. You're beautiful.
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